Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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