he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
