I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
