So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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