But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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