The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
