Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
