why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize