so explain again why im purple
no
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
