Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
