Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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