dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My life is pants optional.
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