No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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