This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
