You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
