What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
