2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
