shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
