i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
