Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
