Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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