Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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