i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
