i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
