If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
