I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
