So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I need a burrito and a hug.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
