Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
