So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you win again, gameday.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
