There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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