Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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