So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
