I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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