Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
