i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
