Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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