god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
