I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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