My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
