i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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