How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
PANTIES FOUND
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