dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
