I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
