Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
