I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
