we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
