The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
