Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
