she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
