i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
