I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
