so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
