I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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