You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
