So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
