Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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