it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
