Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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