I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
