Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
the room spins SO much faster in panama
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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