i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
