We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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