she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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