I wish I could teleport
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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