So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
