I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
