I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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