if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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