So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
