I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize