Betty ford says i'm here all night
I want to walk on stilts...naked
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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