I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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