ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
