I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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