I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
