so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
