She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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