i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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