and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I supernannyed him into submission
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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