I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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