well I can't set my house on fire every night
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
