I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
