we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
